Hey everyone!!! I’m back, but you’re going to have to wait on the last Yes, Master chapter for a bit longer because someone wanted to say hi first. Back by popular demand (Yes, I showed him the emails from his fans *laughs*) and because we had nothing better to do, tonight I give you Dan (the real Dan). No, you can’t literally have him, but he’ll chat about absolute non-sense for a while. :D
For those of you that are new to the Night Tempest program, Dan is my best friend and my roommate, well housemate I guess is the correct term. We live in a house. *shrugs* While I was out for a bit due to my health, he ran the blog, and posted a certain breakdown of embarrassing events that occurred on my end. I refuse to post dirty tales that I know of on his end, things that would make that my little BFF cringe if I was to rehash them on the net. *Because* I am a nice person and I won’t do that to him. Maybe. LOL
What I will do though is say this…Destiny’s Child: Say My Name, Ninth Grade, In MY Basement, Boone’s Farm, and Robbie G. Booyah bitch. <<<<On the interwebs now. Robbie G, if you’re tuning in somewhere out there, I want you to know that I still have your METALLIC DRAGON BUTTON UP somewhere in my basement. It probably still smells like you took a bath in Cool Water and has DEP gel crusted around the collar. But Dan raved about your kissing, so we still dig you lover boy and hopefully you have overcome your hair gel addiction. *I am laughing so hard, I can barely type*
*whoops* Did I say that? Oh well. LOL. One point for Night!
So, as another form of punishment, and after a few glasses of wine, Dan has agreed to answer my questions. Although he had to add that he might be vague on some of the details should he feel uncomfortable. *snort* Scared Daniel-san? You should be.
So, where do you want to start? Just to clear this up and make it easier, I'll be chatting in pink and you can be blue.
Roger that, blue it is.Gosh, let me think. How about we start with Robbie G and what the hell you were thinking? That is ancient history! Vaulted, locked, sealed and never to be spoken of again!
*giggles* Consider me a bank robber. I done broke your vault wide open and Robbie G has been set free.
To everyone reading this, Robbie G was one time, and for what he lacked in experience, he made up for with the enthusiasm of a true freshmen. Tongue, ladies and gents, a very nice tongue.
Well that’s good, seeing as how you couldn’t run your fingers through his hair or anything. I think it may still be stuck that way. Dan had a thing for boys with spiky hair—shiny, hard as rock, spiky hair. Think itty bitty Pauly D. ( MTV's Jersey Shore)
I saw it once when it was product free after gym class. You can add straightened to that list. *laughs* And Robbie G was not some Jersey boy, thank you very much. Not that all Jersey boys are GTL, but I think you grasp the image I’m going for.
You guys! Robbie G had a shirt, that when under direct sunlight, dragons would appear. *And* it was silver—like cheap gift wrap. How does one even create a shirt like that?
My thirteen year old self thought it was sexy at the time, okay?
Did it also get you a better tan when draped over your chest in the sun or when wrapped around a potato make you a yummy dinner? I’m sure this shirt had many uses.
Is there another topic in my future, one that doesn’t include Robbie G?
Possibly. Okay, I guess we’ll let Robbie G go…for now. Muahahaha. Favorite song of 2003, Go.
*Groans* Junior year, right? You’re so random.
Yep. *evil smile*
I guess it would be Wayne Wonder, No Letting Go. It was at prom that I found myself obsessively hooked on that song. I felt the need to book a vacation somewhere tropical and shake my ass like I knew what I was doing. Unfortunately, I still lack amazing dance skills, but I try.
I can’t make fun of you for that pick. I liked that song too. Damn, I still like that song. We’re terrible.
But we can be terrible together. *we both laugh…more wine*
Is there a song that you can’t live without on your iPod?
Sure there is, actually there are a few. Shower Song: I’ve been thinking about you by Londonbeat. Call me crazy or whatever, but that song is awesome! It can go both ways with the lyrics (boy or girl), they knew what was up. Song that annoys you: Cha Cha Slide. Every now and again when I know Night is being too quiet and writing furiously, the house is so silent it freaks me out, I’ll turn that on and clap my hands really fast. Freaks her out every time! *ROFL* A song that I think is sexy: You Know You Like It by AlunaGeorge (all one word). I’m really into her right now. J
Well, that was more than one song, but thank you. Now I know who’s iPod to take that damn song off of. Grr. And I also love AlunaGeorge--very sensual stuff. LOL.
Whatever, you love Cha Cha Slide. Everybody clap yo hands! ROFL
Not really and stop that. *laughs* Moving along, what has been your worst date or boy experience up until now?
*groans* Really, Night? Are we going there?
We are SO going there.
Fine, this is a long story. You already know about Gummo Boy, but I guess I have to share this with the rest of them. I want some serious love for what I'm about to tell you all. You wanted details? Here you go.
Gummo boy. Yes, he was so bad that he received a nickname. Let me start out by saying that I have a rule: I do not play around with boys that I am not dating or don’t know well enough to play around with and they are always out—I don’t play the closet game either. Yes, there has been the occasional kiss, heavy what have you, but under no circumstances do I put myself in situations that I deem unsafe or unhealthy. After this incident, I became stricter with this rule. Enter Gummo Boy.
At the time this occurred, I was working in an I.T. department my sophomore year of college. He worked a few desks down and I thought he was the shy, mysterious type—a little nerdy, but kind of cute, which was hard to find in ‘the pit’ as we called it. There was only one other guy that I knew to be gay and he was more engrossed in his RPG games to ever make conversation, let alone be interested. Not to mention he was gross. Like really, really gross. I’m being honest, take a shower, dude, it might earn you a date.
So, after a few months of working with Gummo Boy or GB for short, a little chatting to get to know each other, we decided to hang out one night. There was an inkling he might be curious for more than watching a movie and grabbing a pizza, but I didn’t push—we we’re just going to chill out and I wanted to keep it that way. Just in case I felt the situation wasn’t going well, because I didn't really KNOW him per say, I texted Night as back-up. Interruption of story: Always do this on a first date or anything that might feel like one. It could save you. *laughs* Funny, yet I’m very serious.
Back to the story: Fast forward a bit. He drove us from work, which was fine, someone knew where I was. It was all legit. I’m at his apartment, which is decent. Call me judgmental, but I believe a man’s home speaks volumes about who he is. Clean, dirty, artistic, color-blind, grungy, caring, you know what I mean? It’s the small things and so far, I'm cool with what I see.
We sit down and he gets the pizza ready, picks out a movie (doesn’t ask what I want to watch or if this choice is alright). Tells me it’s an indie flick that I’ll just love. I’m all for indie and foreign films, so I chill out and disregard his careless attitude. Previews start up, he doesn’t hit the menu button, which drives me nuts. It's an old movie, why do we have to watch previews from ions ago? He starts talking about work--I hate this, don't you hate this person. Which I hate talking about outside of work because I'm trying to have fun, but I don’t tell him that because he’s trying to be nice, find some common ground I guess. I sound like an asshole, but I know you all feel the same way. Don’t lie. LOL
And then, as the movie begins, he starts in with REALLY personal questions for the first time I’ve ever had complete alone time with him. Not, so, I don’t mean to intrude, but are you into men? I’ve never had an encounter, but I really like you. I like your personality or I think you’re handsome or something similar. No, this jerk comes at me full force with so your not like most gays I know. Do you like women also? What porn do you watch? Yatta fucking yatta, oh my word did you just ask me that? It continues until he adjusts himself and looks at me.
He says, we gonna do this or what? *SHOCKED FACE* Continues with, never done this before, but I’m pretty sure you want it. *OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS!* I turn to him with my mouth hanging open. Whoa, slow it down there a little, is what comes out of my mouth. I like aggressive men (in the bedroom) after we’ve gotten to know each other, but it should be known, I’m also not someone’s ‘bottom’. I don’t take kindly to metaphorically being thrown to my knees by this first timer chauvinist.
How about we watch the movie and chat a bit, I say as calmly as I can manage to deter further talk about me underneath him. Not gonna happen. Period. He’s definitely confused by this, a little irritated obviously, but he leans back and goes with my suggestion. I sit there with my hands in my lap like what the fuck just happened? This movie continues, Gummo, it’s called. I’m totally serious, this is the plot: these kids are living in this shithole town that took it hard by some tornado or hurricane, I can’t remember which. They are total backwoods, greasy, misfits that make money from the city by killing the overrunning population of stray cats. Each bag of cats equals cash. WTF!
This main character—pitiful, serial killer looking, tween—and his even creepier, more aggressive, side-kick friend, display their not so entertaining ‘antics’ for an hour plus. One event includes the main character getting it in with a down-syndrome prostitute with her brother as her pimp in the family basement. *WHAT!* Not okay for any event, whether it be first date or two guys just kickin it. Spare yourself the torture and don't watch.
As I am watching the movie—someone’s crack induced idea of viewing entertainment—GB is scooting closer and closer. His arm makes it way around my shoulders. His Axe body spray is making me want to cringe. His other hand awkwardly feels up my thigh to my groin. Trust me, I am not aroused or getting there AT all. Thinking of ways to get out of this, I get up and claim the need to go to the bathroom.
He rolls his eyes, but points me in the right direction. I run the water, sit on the toilet, and text Night. Get me the fuck out here, ASAP. Then I notice the reading material on the bathroom floor. A cartoon depiction of this young boy, not some little twink that looks young by manga standards, I mean little boy with his hand down his swimsuit. Okay, I think we’re done here. We should have been done a while ago, but now we're officially leaving.
Night texts me back that she’ll be a minute. She’s still in class. Oh no! What do I do? I am not waiting fifteen minutes for the rescue wagon. I am getting out of this situation now, before I end up tied ankles to the ceiling in a closet somewhere. I get myself together, pump up in the mirror and go back out there. This is the part where I almost died. As if things weren’t bad enough, when I get back out to the living room, GB has his jeans pulled down over his hips with his dick out. I wish I were joking, but I’m not.
We make eye-contact that reads like this: Him: *nods to himself* Yeah, you want this. Get over and get it. Me: I'm either picturing the second coming of Jesus or my mouth is hanging open in shock because you are JUST THAT NASTY. ROT.
He has the tenacity to stroke himself and I think I gagged. Thankfully I had everything on me because I almost ran for the front door. I heard him shout something at me, but really? Who the fuck cared what he had to say? He was disgusting. So was that movie and everything else about the last hour and a half of my life that I wish I could’ve had back.
He lived in this huge apartment complex, one of several near campus—one of those ones that had its own streets and at least thirty buildings. Unless I was up for walking around in the dark, which I wasn’t, I had to find somewhere safe. So…with nowhere else to go, *sighs* I sat in the campus bus stop enclosure with a few other college kids looking absolutely pitiful and wishing I could have a shower or two. I also recieved the weird looks when the bus kept came and I didn’t get on. When I texted Night that I had to hide in a bus stop, she left class early. She knew shit had gotten really bad, because I’m no fraidy-cat, especially of boys. She arrived in about four minutes flat—my savior.
I was rescued, thank god, and applied for a new department the next day. I only saw him twice after that. Both times, he couldn’t look at me. Asshole. I also informed all my friends and a few of the people at work of his character. I was sorry to deface his name like that, but I was not looking for it to happen to anyone else. Possibly someone that didn't have enough courage to just leave. It could have been a lot worse. Moral of this story: He might be a serial killer, do your research on Facebook, and always drive your own car.
You freaked me out all over again. Gummo Boy, you’re a freak and not in a good way. Ugh, sorry. That was a bad question.
Not at all, I know it made me think differently about my choices, my safety. You really never know and I don’t mean to scare anyone, it’s the honest truth though. Even in college, when we all make silly mistakes and are a little more carefree, you need to assess every situation with care. Public places, your own means of transport, what do you really know about them? Do you have friends in common? You know what I mean? Think before you act and be safe with your sexual choices. No actually means no. Even if you tell them no by getting the hell out of there.
Agreed, there are the unfortunate weirdos out there. Safety first and always phone a friend. Okay, let’s lighten things up. You are forever shopping online, a true product hoe. What are some products you’re loving right now?
J I work from home a lot of the time, unless I have to fly out to meet face to face with production teams, and I don’t have a lot of spare time to shop. I’m not a junkie like Night thinks, but I will admit I enjoy getting packages in the mail. UPS boys, what what! I’m kidding, not really.
My most recent purchases, hmmm. I shop a lot at http://www.TopMan.com I bought the Shackleton Fold Down Boots a few weeks ago and oh my god I love them. Guys out there, these are THE shoes. I’m not kidding, super comfortable, a little pricey at $80, but they go with everything casual. A good long term purchase and nice quality. A little tip, make sure you change your shipping location at the top L hand corner or you might be confused by the Euros, unless of course, you use Euros. J They ship to a lot of countries.
The next purchase would be the Scentsy. Girl, you got me hooked on that. I had a boy over recently and he spent at least five minutes deeply inhaling. Yes, Lord. In case you all don’t know Scentsy, it’s a plug in wax warmer with special wax pods, cubes? Whatever. No flames, no non-sense and they’re pretty stylish. My favorite scents are Zephyr and Titanium. Yes, they have man oriented scents as well as all that bakery and floral stuff you ladies enjoy. Rofl. I do like the dulce de leche also. Smells like latte heaven. www.scentsy.net
The last purchase I’m going to rave over is another Night introduced product. www.birchbox.com This site is incredible! Night signed up to get this box about a month ago and I followed quickly thereafter. It’s a box that comes once a month with samples, good samples, and some full sized beauty/grooming/hair products. Each box has a theme every month. Like organic products/summer/winter/fruit. They have one for men, one for women and they’re both cool. The men’s is 20$ a month, but I got an awesome cotton t and a full sized kiehls moisturizer in my last one. The women’s is only $10 and like Pinterest, you have to sign up to get invited for both. Ladies AND guys, I highly recommend this. Very cool.
You should have your own product review blog. I’m serious.
Yeah, right. I wish I had the time. I can just take over yours when I feel the need arise.
Ha ha, we’ll see about that. We’ve had a few incidents recently with coming out, revealing to the world that you are in fact gay, and how it changes your life. What advice would you give to anyone ready to come out to their friends and family?
Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. Even if it’s hard right now, you’re making the right choice, and life can only get better from here. Be who you are and if someone doesn’t like it, it’s their loss because you’re a beautiful person that shouldn’t have to live with their persecution. If it’s worse than hard, talk it out with someone. Don’t let their words or hate eat you alive, because it’s them, not you. Have someone to talk to, even if it’s just a phone call that can reaffirm your choice to come out in a positive way. There are numerous groups and organizations devoted to this sole purpose. And just to let you know, I love you. J
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/page/s/pledge?gclid=CJH57tnWxLICFe4-MgodmAcAvw <This is a wonderful source for men and women coming out. The videos are enough to lift your spirits and make you feel that you aren’t alone out there. That you should be proud of who you are. Seriously, it does get better.
http://www.lgbtcenters.org/Centers/find-a-center.aspx <This directs you to LGBT centers nearest you. Help, support, counseling—you name it, they want you there.
You’re going to make me cry. Drinking and crying is not a good thing.
You’re an ugly crier too. Please refrain from tearing up. LOL. Have another glass boo.
*Sips* Okay, deep breath, and we’re moving along. Who is your all time celebrity crush?
It’s between Gael Garcia Bernal and Shemar Moore. Both of them are so different, yet sexy as hell! I can’t choose. Gael in Y Tu Mama Tambien, threesome anyone? GRRRRR *woofity woof woof* and Shemar in Criminal Minds? Good God almighty, sexy special agent with a gun and those tight thermal tees? YES!
Agreed on both! Fine choices, sir, fine choices indeed. Gael’s accent is to die for also. Is it getting hot in here?
Yes, it is. *turns up the air and possibly sifts through Netflix* One last question and then it’s movie time.
Ha Ha, alright one more. What is the most romantic thing a man has ever done for you? These people do like their romance you know? Give them something good.
*smiles* I was dating a guy a few years ago that was a culinary student. Boys and girls that's where it’s at—the food, omg, so good. But anyways, I was going to be out of town for my birthday and he wanted to celebrate before I left. I had no idea about his little surprise, but when I got to my apartment, there was a homemade, yes, a homemade fortune cookie in a box hanging on my door knob.
I was urged to open it with a note. This continued, a few fortune cookies later, with hand written clues inside each one—a scavenger hunt of sorts until I ended up in the courtyard. He was there of course with a prepared Chinese food extravaganza. (Btw I love me some Chinese food) He had a little dumpling with a candle in it. It was super cute and a great memory that I won’t ever forget. There might have been dessert too. *wink wink* Very romantic and thoughtful.
D’aww so cute! I think I’m going to send my boyfriend to romance school. Where hopefully he’ll learn to make fortune cookies.
Girl, please. He gets you flowers. That’s more than half the men out there do. Too bad he has a sister or I would eat that brother right up.
Bwahaha. No eating non-existent relatives. *down boy* Okay folks, I think it’s time to watch the movie. Diego Luna, here we come!
Thanks for stopping by and having some fun with us! I shall return soon.
Yep, thanks everyone and a quick note. You can send questions for Dan or topics you’d like Dan to discuss in future posts to firstname.lastname@example.org When we get enough questions for a post, Dan will return. So get to emailing! Have a great day guys!!!
XOXO NIGHTTEMPEST & DAN