Sunday, January 20, 2013

Heart for Trade: Week 16

It's Sunday!!  Woot!  That means another episode of Heart for Trade.  Tomorrow I'll be announcing a contest for you guys.  It's going to be a little different and I'm really excited about it.  So get pumped up, enjoy the sexy as hell photos below, and read your little hearts out. 

Reminders:  If you're doing book club for next month, visit the sidebar tab, and take the poll on the main page.  Wondering what's coming to the blog for the rest of the month?  Check out the new schedule page to the right. 

That's it for today, click on the song and read along. :)



Jarum opened one eye with a grunt.  A hand nudged his shoulder, stirring him from his deep sleep.  “What?”  He groaned.

“I already let you sleep in an hour.  It’s time to get up.”  Benny’s whisper made him snuggle deeper into the bed.  An arm slid over his bare back.  He shut his eye again.  “There’s breakfast.”  A kiss was planted between his shoulder blades.  “With eggs and sausage.”

Another whispery taunt brushed hot against his skin.  “I don’t want to get up.”

Benny slid the covers down, running a hand over his ass.  “But you have to.  Our next free day isn’t until tomorrow.  I have duties and you start training today.”

Jarum’s eyes shot open.  “I don’t want to go, Benny.”

“Jarum, what happened between Samuel and I has nothing to do with you and Ryan.  He never once said he didn’t want to see you or—”

“He didn’t have to, Benny.  I felt it.”  Jarum rolled away from Benny’s hands, sitting on the edge of the bed.  He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and shivered.  “You wouldn’t understand.”

The redhead snorted, crawling across the bed until he knelt behind Jarum.  “I wouldn’t, huh?  Because I didn’t rip my friendship with Sam in two or anything.”

“It’s different with me and Ry.”  Jarum leaned back into Benny’s chest.  Hands massaged his shoulders.

“It’s not.  What Sam and I are going through is completely different from what you’re experiencing.  You were upfront with Ryan from the beginning.  You had nothing to hide, and you did nothing wrong.  You’ve both been isolated your entire lives.  The separation, even a day, is getting to you because you’re not used to it.  But tell me, Jarum, now that we’ve become closer, and you’ve enjoyed our alone time… don’t you think Ryan is enjoying his time with Sam?”

Jarum yawned, stretching out his legs.  “I thought you hated Sam now?”

Benny rested his chin on top of Jarum’s head.  “I don’t hate him.  I just think he’s being childish about the whole thing.  We said some stuff we didn’t mean, and now we’ve had time to cool off.  It’ll take a bit of work, but we’ll survive this.  But you can’t avoid Ryan for the rest of your life, just like I can’t avoid Sam.  Sometimes we have to suck it up, and dive right back in before things become worse.  Welcome to being an adult.  It sucks sometimes, but other times, like right now… I love it.”  He dipped his head, pushing Jarum’s hair out the way.  He planted kisses over Jarum’s neck, gripping his shoulders.  “Friendships change, Jar.  That’s not a bad thing.  I want it to be a good thing, because I like what we’re starting.  Don’t you?”

“What are we starting, Benny?”  Jarum got to his feet, irritable and barely awake.  His brain wasn’t completely there yet.  He had to pee, and he didn’t like being poked first thing in the morning, which led to a quick slide down the emotional scale.  He left Benny reaching into thin air.  The redhead’s hand fell into his lap.  “Both of us have gone our entire lives in this little shell.”  Jarum turned, hands on hips, and naked as the day he was born.  “Me?  I was confused.  I needed to get off.  And now that I know what it feels like, I want more, but you?  You’ve gone you’re entire life knowing what you wanted, and you hid it out of fear of what everyone would think.  Now that you seem to know what you want, are you going to hide me, just like you hide your love for men?  That’s not starting something, Benny.  That’s setting me up for a rough time.  Don’t you think I’ve had enough?  Jesus, what the fuck time is it, anyway?  Talk about a great way to wake up.”  Jarum rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t start this.”  Benny shut his eyes for a second, collecting himself before he went off.  “Is that what you want?  Will my coming out to the entire base with you on my arm make everything better, Jarum?”  Benny got up from the bed, standing tall.  His naked body tensed, luring Jarum’s eyes to his hard earned muscle, and his…  “Cat got your tongue?  How about you, Jarum?  What do you want from me?”

“I want,” Jarum swallowed, looking away, “I want...”

“You want what?”  Benny got in his face.  “Better be clear for me, Jarum.  If I’m going to change myself for you, what are you gonna give me in return?  You want harsh realities?  You want to push me after I’ve been nothing but careful of your needs?  Go ahead.  What the hell do you want?”

“I need you right now, Benny,” he confessed.  “You’re all I got.  Don’t be like this.”

Benny snorted.  He shook his head, officially angry.  “Right now?  Thanks for making that clear before I did something stupid.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  You’re just a kid. ”

Jarum whipped around, following Benny to the bathroom.  What?”

“I said I wanted to start something.  I told you I cared for you.  I told you I’d tell every fucking person on this base how I feel for you, and you give me right now?  Go back to bed, Jarum.  Do whatever the hell you want.  I’m going to get cleaned up and go to work, like I do every day because I have responsibilities.  I don’t have time to be jerked around, and frankly, I don’t have the patience like I thought I did.”  Benny started the shower.  His muscles were so tense he thought a tendon would snap.  “You can’t even do something as simple as sit in the same room with Ryan for a few hours, while have to go to work with Sam like everything is just fucking fine.  Why did I ever think you would be man enough to be with me, to be an adult for once in your life?”

Jarum’s jaw almost hit the floor.  “I’m not man enough? For what!”  He threw the shower door open, glad it didn’t break as the handle hit the wall.  “You’re fucking crazy, you know that?  I’ve survived the past 21 years topside, worked my ass off to stay alive, only to be dragged to this hell underground and be stuck with an asshole like you!”  His dick throbbed at the sight of Benny dripping wet under the showerhead.  “I’ll show you man enough,” he husked.  His voice was so deep, Benny sputtered water with a gasp.

Benny tried to push him away, but Jarum was quicker.  He grabbed Benny by the back of the neck and whirled him around.  The redhead’s hands hit the shower wall, water coursing down on them both.  “You get off on playing mind games with me and I don’t like it.  I want you.  You want me.  It’s pretty fucking simple.  I may not be able to read very well.  I may not have a lot of fucking experience with a man.  But I’m not stupid, Benny.  Someone who gets cranked as easily as you do hides how they really feel.  How do I know that?  Because I’m just like you.”  Jarum used all his strength to press Benny into the wall, hard.  Their wet, naked bodies fit together so tight, no air remained between them.  “I’m more man than you can imagine.”

He put his cock between the cheeks of Benny’s ass.  “And I’ll prove it.”

Benny’s mouth opened wide, collecting a bit of water that he spit to the side.  His ass pushed out against his will, practically begging he was so turned on.  This was what he really wanted.  As much as he’d wanted to take Jarum the other night, be buried inside of him, he knew he had it backwards.  Since the moment Jarum had first penetrated him at the pond, Benny knew without a doubt, Jarum was a top—a very, very good top. With Jarum behind him, angry as hell itself, Benny fell into submission.  This was how it was supposed to be, he relaxed into the wall.  Jarum wasn’t just his.  Jarum owned him.

Slicked up and dripping wet, Jarum put pressure on Benny’s entrance.  As if entering heaven itself, he shuddered.  Blazing heat engulfed his cock.  Benny’s hand covered his, squeezing to continue.  It all made sense now.  Not only did Benny want him, but he was scared to admit exactly how he wanted him.  He was scared he would look less like a soldier if Jarum took charge.  He was scared it would change the dynamic of his life, of the relationship between them.  Now that Jarum realized what was going on, he felt his place in Benny’s life open up wide.  Pushing into Benny’s ass deeper, Jarum stepped into his role without missing a beat.

“I’m more than man enough, Benny.” He pushed in another inch, urged by the ragged moan from Benny’s lips. “You were just scared of how much.”

Panting like his lungs were on fire, Benny pushed back.  He hung his head, wet hair plastered to his forehead.  “Fuck me,” he whispered.

“What did you say, Benny?”  Jarum’s fingers bit roughly into the redhead’s hips.

“Fuck me,” Benny cried.

Jarum’s eyes darkened.  “You’re mine, Benny,” he promised, and plunged all the way inside.

Benny’s head flew back.  His own scream filled the bathroom.  He was a goner, and now, he was so Jarum’s.


Eating in the mess hall had been awkward as fuck.  Ryan shuffled his feet, his cheeks still red from all the cat calls and fists pounding against tables.  They were such cavemen, he thought.  Yeah, they were happy he and Sam were holding hands and sharing little looks, but it was embarrassing to be on display like that.  He hadn’t been able to enjoy the breakfast spread much.  His nerves upset his stomach, but now he regretted not eating.  He was starving.  The proof was in the rumble that reached his ears.

“Damn it, Ry.  I told you to eat something.”  Sam huffed, reaching for his hand.

“Sorry, I was too busy listening to them to eat anything.”  He let Sam thread their fingers together.

“I’ll talk to them.  They were excited, I know.  I’m sorry about that.”  Sam stopped them right outside of the Control Room lobby.  “Or are you worried about seeing Jarum again?”

“A little,” Ryan admitted.  “What if he—”

“He won’t.  None of it was your fault, Ry.  I’m the one who needs to apologize to him, not you.  All the drama aside, you excited to start training?”  Sam brought his chin up, searching his eyes.

A slow smile spread over his lips.  “Yeah.”

“Focus on that, okay?  You’ll work it out with Jarum later.”  Sam winked.  “Avery has you both until this evening.  I’m going to be working with some of the techs for the rest of the day.  We’re pretty close to gaining another country back, and we don’t want to lose what progress we have.  Are you gonna be okay?”

Rolling his eyes, Ryan stepped into Sam’s embrace.  “I’ll be fine.  I’m sure Avery will keep us busy.”

“That’s the spirit.”  Sam bent down for a kiss.  “You’ll have fun.  I promise.”

Ryan wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist.  “I hope so.”

“I’ll see you tonight,” Sam murmured.  His hands traveled down to Ryan’s ass, giving it a good squeeze.

“I can’t wait.”  Ryan pressed into him, rubbing a little before Jarum appeared with Benny in tow.

Sam and Ryan broke apart quickly.  Jarum didn’t even look their way before going into the lobby.  Benny held the door open.  “Don’t stop on our account.”

“Benny…”  Sam took a step forward.

“I’m due for my shift.  Ryan, you better get a move on.  Avery doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”  Benny walked into the lobby, and scanned himself to open the door for Jarum.  The door to the lobby clicked shut.

“I, uh… I better go.”  Ryan brushed his hand against Sam’s.  The tension was eating him alive.

“I’ll pick you up tonight.”  Sam cut his eyes to the little window in the door.  He looked back to Ryan, and gave him a quick kiss.  “Go.”

Ryan turned without another word, and went inside, brushing past Benny before descending the stairs to the Control Room.  Benny lingered, staring at Sam through the window.  He took a step back, letting the secure door shut them off from each other.  So much for working shit out, they both thought.


Avery sat on the desk between two monitors, swinging her leg.  Her brow rose questionably and she adjusted her glasses.  “The chairs don’t bite, boys.” She spread her hands, gesturing for them to sit.

Keeping a few feet between themselves, Jarum and Ryan reluctantly sat in the rolling chairs.  “Much better,” Avery chirped, and picked up two headsets.  “Welcome to basic training.  Today, you’re going to familiarize yourself with the typing program.  You can’t very well work the computers if you don’t know how to type.”

Neither of the boys said a thing.  They stared at her, waiting as they fought not to look at each other.  Okay,” she drew out, looking between them.  “Whatever beef you two have, it’s not welcome here.  Today you learn how to be part of a team and a base.  We have to get along, no matter what the hell is going on in our personal lives.  Our mission is bigger than any squabble, and you won’t be of any use to us if you can’t focus on your training.  Got it?”

She thrust a headset at each of them.  “Like this.”  She pointed to her own headset.  “Put them on.”

“This is so stupid,” Jarum muttered, fumbling with his new gear as Ryan slipped his on without hesitation.

“You think what I do is stupid?”  Avery tightened her ponytail high on her head.  “Then get out.”

“What?”  Jarum frowned.

“If you’re too good to be here, then go.  No one’s stopping you.”  She pointed to the stairwell.  “I may be a girl, and boys mistake me as some little know-nothing, but I run this place.  I make the lights go on.  I make sure you have heat.  I make sure you’re safe.  I run those cameras, and I open the doors.  Oh, and I basically run everything in this room.  So, if typing is too stupid for you to learn, then go.”

“I didn’t say…”

“You’re scared because you can’t read that well and you’re uncomfortable because Ryan can.  I get it, okay?  But don’t ever call what I do stupid.”  She crossed her arms.

Jarum stared at his hands, so embarrassed he could die on the spot.  Ryan swiveled in his chair.  “Jar, it’s okay.  I’ll help you, alright?”

“I don’t want your help.”  Jarum sucked back his emotions and scooted into the desk.  “Go ahead, Avery.”

“Jarum, please.”  Ryan frowned.

“Avery, what do we do?”  Jarum drummed his fingers on the desk, watching Benny talk with some techs at one of the larger monitors.

“Uh…” She glanced between the two boys, out of her element. Ignoring the angst show was decidedly her best course of action. “Okay, I’m going to run you through the main menu, which you can access with your mouse.”  She pointed to the device.  “And then I’ll let you go on the program for a few hours.  The guide will talk you through that portion.”

“Whatever, let’s do this.”  Jarum moved the mouse around, no idea what he was doing.

Ryan slumped in his chair, and listened as Avery began to walk them through the basics.


Jarum, fueled by the need to show up Ryan, listened intently to the man talking in his ear.  He pressed the corresponding letters shown on the screen with one finger, glancing between the monitor and the keyboard silently.  The quicker he got at it, the more fingers he used.  He occasionally looked at Ryan, who was glued to his screen, already using two hands to complete the next testing level.  Avery had left them for a while, going back to her own desk to work on the latest code sent from Germany.

Ryan dared a glance at him, eyes widening when Jarum didn’t look away this time.  The blond scanned their surroundings before scooting his chair closer. 

“What do you want?”  Jarum went back to the keyboard, nudging one side of his headphones away to listen to Ryan.

“Jar, please look at me.”

Jarum stopped, taking off his headphones as if he was burdened by doing so.  “Okay, I’m looking.”

“We had sex,” Ryan breathed.  “Last night.” Ryan’s eyes betrayed his upset, not because he disliked the sex, but because he’d obviously been dying to tell someone.

It was Jarum’s turn to look around before scooting closer.  His protective streak, even if he’d been an ass, rose to the forefront.  He couldn’t ignore something big like this.  Tossing their drama aside, he nodded slowly.   “And?”

“And I’m sorry I freaked out on you.  I was never mad at you.  I was embarrassed, and Sam thought he was protecting me.  He wanted everything to be so perfect, and so did I.  I was trying so hard to be this… I don’t know, but I freaked out and my… my little problem got ahead of me as you guys walked in.  I don’t know what else to say, but I don’t like you being mad at me. I can’t stand it,” Ryan rushed with barely a breath to get him by.

“Slow down, Ry.”  Jarum put a hand to his knee.  “Take a deep breath,” he coached as sheer panic dominated Ryan’s eyes.  “So, you did it, huh?”

Ryan nodded.  “Yeah,” he whispered.  “And it hurt like a bitch at first,” he revealed, covering his mouth when he realized what he’d said.

Jarum cracked a smile.  “That bad?”

Ryan leaned in.  What the hell, the cat was already out of the bag, right?  “He’s big, Jar.”  They stared at each other before chuckling, capturing Avery’s attention.  She shook her head and went back to her screen.

Jarum gripped Ryan’s hand, giving up their fight.  “Was he good to you?”

Blushing, Ryan squeezed his hand back.  “I love him, Jar.”

“Because he fucked you?”

“No.”  Ryan shook his head.  “Because he made love to me and because he loves me back.”

Jarum envied the way Ryan’s eyes seemed to mist over.  He and Benny didn’t have that yet, but he wanted it.  “He tell you that?”

“Over, and over, and over.”  Ryan bit his lip.

“Good.”  Jarum rubbed his thumb in circles.  “You deserve that.”

Eyes on the ground, Ryan sighed.  “You do too, Jar.  I’m sorry everything got messed up.  If you and Benny—”

“We’re just hanging out, you know?  It’s no big deal.”  Jarum sought out the redhead from the control desk, looking down to the tech floor.  Their eyes locked.  Benny raised his chin subtly with a smile.

“You sure about that?” Ryan interrupted him.

“It’s complicated right now.  I’m not hiding anything from you.  I never did and I never will.”  Jarum twirled in his seat.  “When I can call it something, I’ll let you know, okay?”

Ryan held up his fist to Jarum.  “Promise?”

“Promise,” Jarum agreed, bumping fists.  Avery cleared her throat, tapping a finger to the side of her computer.  “Get back to work.”  He ruffled Ryan’s hair.

Evening arrived.  Avery announced dinner through the speakers on base.  They all sighed in relief, getting up from their chairs, turning off their computers, about to leave for the night, when an alarm blared from above.  All eyes looked to the counter, which appeared on the big screen.  Ryan stared, utterly mesmerized by the numbers rolling down.  Shit.  They still didn’t have the password.  What were they going to do now?



  1. Lube? I was wincing as I read that scene. Ow.

  2. Great job developing the characters/story of Benny & Jarum. I am thrilled to see Jarum becoming a more independent guy, and I love that he's not letting Benny get away with anything.

    I do have to say that I am always in awe of how so few, if any, of your characters actually need lube. Vamps, I can kinda get...they aren't human so maybe they can compensate, um, somehow. But um...I cringe every time these guys have sex/make love with just some spit and their "own moisture." I hate that, because it takes me outta your stories and they are SO good. Reality? Anal sex requires lube, and sometimes lots of it. While I know some might say having Jarum search for some conditioner in the shower while he has Benny pinned might delay the story, it's real and always an opportunity for laughs and/or drawing out Benny's anticipation. And Ryan losing his virginity would have STILL hurt, but for sure the way would have been smoother if Sam had pulled out some hidden exotic oil or even vintage Vaseline from the room of hidden treasures when he unrolls the rug.

    Just sayin'! There's already so many people with misconceptions about anal sex, that I hate to think they believe it has to hurt and/or that it could or SHOULD be done without proper prep. (And yes, I am also partly afraid some inexperienced ones are out there reading your awesome (thank you!) work thinking that water or semen will provide enough um, oomph, to get the job done. I know your goal is to entertain, not teach, but no need to...well, lead them down a rougher path than is needed.)

    Ok, off the soapbox. I love H4T and thanks for all you do for us!!


    1. I'm going to go ahead and address this head on. Yes, most of my stories are lube free and I'm sorry if you're against it, and I'm well aware that lube is needed during most if not all intercourse, but here is what takes me out of a story.... The characters magically have lube and condoms on them every single time. I mean they pull it out of their hat like a rabbit. It kils me every time because I expect the same line in every book I read. There's a fully stocked nightstand in the forest or there's a box of condoms in the backseat. What? No. No there's not.

      In my opinion, this is erotic fiction. If you're old enough to read this, you're old enough to know about safe sex and lube. There's nothing wrong with raw fiction, and if it's not your cup of tea, I'm sorry. But I'm not going to change it. Some people don't use lube every single time. It's real. It's life. I'm not going into details, but I have plenty 'research' to back me up on that.

      But for those of you reading this that we're unaware, if you're about to take it from behind, lube up.


  3. Can you please bash Benny and Jarum's heads together for me. They're driving me nuts! -__-

  4. Such children. Benny and Jarum have the whole "argument wasn't a big deal and we'll forgive them" talk together but once they're with Ryan and Sam, they change back into these hurt, angry little kids who can't even say hi to their best friends. At least Ryan finally got Jarum to speak to him but I think he's going to regret telling him about Sam. Kiss and tell has never been a good idea in my book, so we'll have to see if there's repercussions.

  5. I really like how the story is coming along. I am enjoying this story. As to the whole lube issue, I've read a lot of erotic fiction, Mm and MF, and some things have to be accepted and overlooked in order to enjoy the story flow. When was the last time you saw characters in fiction emptying their bowels or getting an attack of gas? When was the last time a male character failed to get an erection on cue, if not several of them? When have we ever seen a female character say it was her time of the month? It's fiction, not real life.

  6. Awesome as always.
    Glad to see Ryan and Jarum have patched things up.
    Both relationships are progressing nicely.

  7. Re: lube. I just assumed the boys didn't know any better, being virgins. Ow but ok. Glad to hear Night's rationale so I will try to shut that part of my brain off lol. Love the storyline.

    1. I wasn't trying to step on anyone's toes here. lol I just have a different opinion on the matter than most people when it comes to *that* part of the story. I'm sorry if my lack of lube throw you off. But again, this is all fiction. I know very well that real life is much different, and yes, in real life this scene would be considered painful. There is no misconception on my part. ;) Thanks for reading and it's okay to have an opinion. I value other people's thoughts. No harm no foul. :D

  8. I love this story! Benny really needs to talk to Sam in private though, sort it out.

    Oh and about the lube issue? I don't need it stated explicitly everytime that the characters in a story have found something to use, if it's good for both of them I assume they did.

    Mo x

  9. love this story. finally everyone is opening up to each other. as for the whole lube thing i totally agree with Night. if she stop everytime a sexy scene comes up to write in getting condoms and lube it would lose the moment. we're all adults here we know about safe sex and lube. so just enjoy the awesome stories.

  10. This story is so much fun! They don't have the password! AHHHHHHHH. Seriously though, I love the suspense part of it. I love the science fictiony feel of it too. It is really rare to find a writer than can go from genre to genre and write equally well in all of them. I truly enjoy visiting your site.

    As for Jarum and Ryan... These two are children in some ways. They are learning how to deal with life in their new environment, at the same time they are dealing with feelings they have never had before. Truly learning to walk again in a new world. I just wish they would fall and knock some sense into their stubborn little heads! That being said. I am proud of them for getting as far as they have at this point. They are getting there. One baby step at a time. I can't wait to read the rest of their journey.

  11. Loved the chapter this week. The ending has me nervous. I hope nothing shitty happens cuz they don't have the password yet, our characters are finally getting somewhere with each other. Oh well, I am sure you will make it exciting and have us all on the edge of our seats.