Friday, February 8, 2013

The Chihuahua Fugitive

My life is prone to craziness.  Sometimes I sit back and ponder why insanity follows me and if there's something seriously wrong with me, but I've been assured many times I'm not alone.  Does this give me comfort?  No.  Does this make me somewhat paranoid - the fact that these things will happen again?  Yes.  *Sigh*  What I'm about to share with you happened yesterday afternoon and is in fact a true story.  *cue twilight zone music*

So, I'm at work and everyone is cancelling their appointments for the day because we're about to get slammed with a blizzard, a lake effect blizzard. Basically when a weatherman declares a lake effect run and hide.  As I'd already watched the news that morning, I asked my boyfriend to drive me to work.  Yes, I have a big girl truck and I'm not afraid to use it, but I still get freaked out when there's going to be a combination of snow, ice, wind, no visibility, slush, people driving like demons, and every other car I pass is going to be in a ditch.  My boyfriend doesn't mind me asking this of him.  In fact, he likes it.  Why?  Because this ensures I won't come home a trembling mess, cursing like a sailor, and asking to pull out the Baileys.

Little did he know...driving me to work would make him the Captain of our afternoon rescue mission.

Anywho, I call him up and tell him he needs to come get me early and that our shop is closing up for the day.  I wait for him at Starbucks, my daily haunt, and am happy to see him pull up in his truck.  We're all snuggled in.  NPR is going.  The roads are getting dicey.  And we make it about ten minutes from my work.  (BTW I commute.  So each way is about 40 minutes) We come across the bridge, which is about five lanes wide on each side, and are making our way down into a two lane main road when I see this little black thing dart into the road.

If you're like me, you get squicked out over the thought of hitting any little creature, whether it be a squirrel, a mouse....anything.  I tell him to slow down and beg him not to hit it.  This is what happened:

"What is that thing?"  He leans closer to the windshield.  "Someone's going to hit it.  It's running down the middle of the road."

"Oh my God!  Don't fucking hit it!"

"I can't control the other lane, baby.  Chill out.  I'll take it slow."

We hit the road next to the lake and the thing is still running down the middle of a busy road in near white out conditions.  The driver next to us beeps his horn and we nod.  We're all on the same page.  A  major intersection is coming up.  I think the little creature will die.  I can't watch.  I'm near tears.

"I think it's a puppy."  I turn to my boyfriend.  "We can't let it die."

He grumbles then swerves as a car turning tries not to hit the puppy...still running down the middle of the road like he's going for Olympic gold.  We're now almost two miles deep into our rescue mission.

He points to the dashboard.  "Look up the non-emergency number for the police.  This thing isn't about to turn off anytime soon and he's gonna to cause an accident."

"The police?"

I receive a snort.  "They aren't going to arrest a puppy."


I call up the police department, thinking they're going to blow me off, and hang up.  What I did not expect was the following...

"Are you currently still in the city?"

Me: "Yes, we're headed towards (blah blah)"

"Is the dog small and black, a Chihuahua?"

I raise a brow.  "Now that you say that, I'm pretty sure it is."

"Good.  We've been looking for this dog all day.  He's caused three accidents and our officers haven't been able to locate him.  We were starting to think he didn't exist."

My eyes go wide.  Three accidents?  This cute little puppy?  No way.

"What I need you to do is veer into the center of the road and put your emergency lights on."  I tell boyfriend.  He looks at me like I'm batshit, but does it anyway.  "If the dog turns off onto another road,  would you be able to follow it until police can arrive?"

Is she serious?  Are we going dog hunting right now?


I give her more information as to where we are, a one way street.  Thank God.  Although, I'm not enjoying the constant honks from behind.

About two minutes later, I'm informed an officer has parked his car across the next intersection and is waiting for us.  For us?  What the hell are we going to do about it?  Then suddenly, it's all very clear to me.  The dog now has his own blockade.  He's a fugitive on the run.  Oh no.

We approach the intersection.  Two cops are waiting in the cold, ready to snatch this dog up.  But the dog isn't going down that easily.  He runs... under the cop car and continues on his merry way.  Still on the phone with the department, I point to the turn lane and direct my boyfriend around the cop car.  The chase continues.  We make another plan with the lady on the phone, setting up another blockade with the cops and this time, animal control.

As we approach the final intersection before the highway, there are three cop cars and a truck waiting for us.  I watch as a giant net swoops down and bounces the dog into the air like a little black ball.  When the animal control dude picks the puppy up, he's no bigger than his palm and shaking so hard, I can see him from our truck.  The good news is the dog does have an owner, who's probably in deep shit right about now, and Jack (the dog) was sent home safe and sound.

What did I learn from this?  I have more reasons to the hate snow.  I will never own a Chihuahua.  I will never work for animal control, and now every time I look at a net, I'll see that poor puppy flung into the air like a tiny, furry potato.

I just had to share this story, because I think I'm still in shock over it.  And by the way, when we got home...we totally broke out the Baileys.

~xx Night


  1. Holy Cow! That's one of those stories that always start with "you just can't make this shit up..." I'm sure the poor dog was terrified but, wow, what a little terror!

  2. God, that was funny. It's just good you all (puppy included) got home o.k.

  3. lol,that sounds like quite the adventure.
    Glad everyone was okay and Jack didn't get hurt.

  4. Haha that's funny! & crazy! Don't you wonder what was going through that dog's mind the whole time he's running through traffic?? Glad you didn't get in a wreck over it.

  5. I would like to share my thoughts about what happened. My dog has learnt that when he it got lost, he only had to find an adult with a phone and I would turn up. Of course the adult would read the his name and phone number on his collar and call me.

    I bet this dog learnt that if he ran in front of a car, it would get back to its owner. Every time he caused an accident, if would run away bbecause of all the noise and commotion .

    He was definitely not deliberately causing was just trying to get home the only way he knew how. And he tried so very hard and spent all day doing it.

    Thank jjjtd

  6. Sounds like something that would happen in Shermin Heights....or on COPS. lmbo!

  7. Ahh, you're a hero, Night. You helped nab that pup and get it home to its owner in one piece. So yes, you deserved the Bailey's.

  8. Just glad everything came out okay and everyone got home safe. Now all of us in the northeast can start coping with what Nemo left us.

  9. Geez that's the weirdest/funniest thing I've heard in a while. I swear chihuahuas are like barking cats they are fast and impossible to catch. I'm glad you and your bf saved the day. You deserve Baileys.

  10. Hmm i could kinda see this as a shermin heights adventure as above. But i'm leaning more towards you being isaac and hubby being knox! I can just hear isaac going "don't hit it!" And knox grumbling, but doing what isaac said anyway. Lmao! Glad everyone is safe, but this really is hilarious!

  11. Yeah Chihuahuas are little shitheads sometimes. I happen to own one and he's currently curled up on my lap. I could totally see my little furball doing what Jack did. When these little fuckers take off, they are hard to catch.

    That's an awesome story though, glad it had a happy ending. I wonder if Jack made the evening news. Thanks for sharing.


  12. Thanks for sharing it. It was funny, and I'm glad you helped rescue the puppy. Animals have a way of bringing out the best in us, and creating hilarious scenes.

    I shared this with my husband and he thought it was funny. It did remind him of the time we attempted to rescue kittens from our insulation and wound up in the doctor's office with new born kittens in a mouse's cage and a spider in a bug jar.