Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A Must See If You Write: The Many Stages Of Receiving Reader Reviews

*WARNING* Reading this on mobile view will not show the GIFs. Enjoy it at your computer.

LOL. Receiving feedback as a writer:




When you get an email from a reader.





After reading the email, you find out they didn't like your work.





You read the email several times and ponder why they feel this way. What did you do wrong?







Minutes of denial pass before you realize the email still says they didn't like it. The letters refuse to reword themselves.






Your first reaction is to reply, give them a taste of their own medicine. Dear Evil Doer, Just an FYI...








Realizing that is a terrible idea, you instead spend a few minutes talking to the person as if they were there.








Finally, you realize you're being crazy. Normal people don't talk to themselves. Your anger begins to morph. You're not sure what is coming next.





The pity party has arrived. A moment of silence before the inevitable. Somewhere in the background, Against All Odds by Phil Collins is playing.






One tear turns to an ugly cry session. Why don't they love me? I'm sorry I use too many commas and didn't know Fabio wasn't a name used in 18th century Rome. I'm sorry you thought a vampire sleeping with a mermaid was unrealistic yet overrated. How is that even possible! I love mermaids! Everyone loves mermaids!





I thought you loved me. Why does this hurt so much? This Ben and Jerry's is the only thing keeping me alive.





A moment comes when you stop crying. You take a deep breath and then...




The reason you wanted to write in the first place is lost. Your confidence shattered. You should have never stopped waiting tables, the tips didn't come with terrible reviews. For the next ten minutes, you are under the impression you will never write again.






After breaking your favorite Hello Kitty paperweight, the limited edition one with the bejeweled eyes that doubles as a stapler. An eerie calm washes over you--the calm you perfected in high school when you wanted to punch Sally Jones in the face for declaring to the room that your outfit reminded her of a librarian.





Suddenly, the computer chimes. You have a new email.







It could be another attack. You prepare yourself with a few cleansing breaths.





Even though you know it could be another bad review. You can't help, but read the feedback. Your breath fogs up the screen while you scan the message.





They like it? Oh my God, they like it!!!!





Emotional yet again, you pump your fist with a nod. That's right girl--the person I don't know and will never meet. Speak thy truth. I love you girl. I just can't tell you how much...*grabs for a tissue*





Overjoyed, and with a slightly scary perma-smile, you bask in the glory of the one sentence review.







The lone smile that would scare the pants off your roommate if he were here, turns to five minutes of fawning over yourself. You're amazing. Did you know that? You're just a friggin rock star. You should get highlights and maybe a side of fries to go with that entree of awesome.




 The moment comes when you realize your ego is starting to leak out the windows. You reel it back in and settle for a small mmph with your arm, a quiet yes from your lips.






Refueled from the fresh in your mind review, you smile sweetly with a flick of your lashes. You are writer and the people have spoken. They still love you.




Now where was I? Oh yes, chapter 2. Fabio,,,,,,,the merman pressed his lips to the vampire's chest,,,,,,a gutteral moan sounding from his fanged lover,,,,,,,,





ROFL XOXO NIGHTTEMPEST






40 comments:

  1. Well hell, another bout of tears; but this time for a good reason. :)

    You really are the best, Night. I want you to know that. *Hugs*

    Now, if I could just figure out how to get that as my screen saver... my life would be complete.

    ~M

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    Replies
    1. Sorry you had a rough day M.
      But like Night and Neph said. Stand tall and move forward.
      We love your work!
      Can't wait to get my published copy of Harvest.
      Keep it up!
      :)

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    2. Aww thanks M. No you're the best. Haha, I feel a bad eighties movie moment coming on. Oh man, If I could figure out how to put this as a screensaver, I totally would! *Hugs back*

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  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Mik! Hope you're doing well. :)

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  3. Awe, MA Church, don't be discouraged by a few twits trying to pressure/guilt you into posting the rest of a story you're trying to publish. Any story you or Night shares with us is a gift, I'll take them any way you give them! If its for sale, I'm buying it...that's how us readers should be showing appreciation for your brilliant minds! So thank you for being straight awesome!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the boost wary! I think a certain someone needed that. :) Your loyalty is very much appreciated. *curtsies*

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  4. I usually just lurk and read, but this posting was so LOL hilarious that I had to comment - it was fantastic and so perfectly tied in with the GIFs. Great post!

    I agree with the above comment - the stories that you share with your readers on your blogs or elsewhere are gifts to us, which we truly appreciate. If you choose to publish a story, we will know that it is one that we'll enjoy/love since we've read the pre-published version.

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    Replies
    1. Lurk no longer, J. I expect to see more comments from you. *points finger* ROFL. No, but seriously. Thanks for the kind words and I had fun with this post. You guys are seriously some of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of chatting with. Keep making us smile and we'll keep writing for you. :) Thanks again sweetness. Muah.

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  5. That first guy is my idol! That's exactly...yes, exactly... What every writer does upon getting email from a reader. Even better than from a publisher. Seriously. This post is so much fun I bookmarked it to my Pick Me Up folder. Best view of the day!

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    1. Haha, I loved him! When I saw that GIF, I was totally sold. I probably laughed at it for at least ten minutes before putting it up on the post. As far as publishing emails go, I don't know much about them, but I would probably be scared to open it. Much like a college acceptance letter. One day I'll know, but until then, I'll enjoy my reader mail. :) Thanks for loving this so much. I loved creating it. Have a good weekend, Tali!

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  6. I LOVE THIS! It is funny because it is so *so* true :)

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    Replies
    1. Hehe I thought you guys and gals would get a kick out of this. Thanks Lilly! ♥

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  7. Everyone around me wonders why I'm clutching my stomach and laughing with tears running down my face. Bill Cosby and "Bruce Almighty" nearly undid me.

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha! Not to sound arrogant, but it's funny isn't it? LOL. That Jim Carrey GIF totally ended this perfectly! Thanks Vamp.

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  8. This is effing hilarious!!!!!
    I can't even fathom the amount of time it took to get just the perfect GIFs. And even David Tenant?!?!?!?!?

    Wonderfull laugh!!! Thanks!!

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    Replies
    1. Of course David Tenant!Loves the good Doctor! Well, one of his many incarnations anywho. LOL. Actually this didn't take all that long to do. I wrote out the stages and googled gifs for them. Copy, Paste, copy, paste, and voila! Did you know there's a GIF for everything these days? I didn't, but I do now. hahaha. Glad I made you giggle. Thanks Pat.

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  9. Oh dear god. Fucking BRILLIANT!!!! I completely get this. The horror and the hilarity of it all is exactly why I have to get over myself and post the first story I wrote and share it with others.

    Writers like yourself, Robcub and Cia are what keep me from giving up on the ideas that refuse to be quiet.

    Thank you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Post, post, post, she chants wildly! *waves glitter covered flag for you* Thanks and awwwwww *weepy moment*. Haven't seen you around here before, but thanks so much for stopping by and don't be a behind the screen urchin! Comment all the time! Hahahaha I'm a crazy person, get used to it. :P Thanks again. ♥

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  10. How did you manage to capture my thoughts and feelings?:O Haha, if I haven't said before, you inspire me to love writing.:) Awesome as always Night.

    ~Lyss

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    Replies
    1. *Bows and eats a side of fries with that awesome* Thanks so much for the wonderful compliment! I'm blushing right now. Did you know that? Probably not, because if you did, that'd mean you were in my house watching me. That would scare me. Don't do that. LOL Okay, Lyss. I'm done being insane. Thanks so much and keep reading! *Hugs*

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  11. Replies
    1. Lol! I know! We writers need to invest in Ben and Jerry's stock. Thanks, Rob. Keep reading!

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  12. Fucking BRILLIANT!!!!
    All of the above.

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    Replies
    1. A. You are a rockstar
      B. You are a brilliant
      C. You are the recipient of a hug from Night
      (D.) All of the above

      See what I did there? Haha...oh God...I need some sleep! Thanks!

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    2. There is no such thing as *A* brilliant, but you get the point. :D

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  13. Absolutely hysterical and the above comments are spot on. There is such a sense of entitlement in the world today that it has become scarey. The gift you give us of your stories is just that a gift and you let us gracefully tag along with your characters to lose ourselves from our everyday lives for just a few minutes a day. Its a pleasure and a privilege. I do have to add just one thing though, who says normal people don't talk to themselves? Whoever told you that was seriously misguided. Or at least that's what I tell myself every day.
    Pam

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    Replies
    1. Hi Pam,

      First, I must tell you that I in fact talk to myself all day. It scares people. I get looks. But whatever, I might as well give away my dirty secret. I speak all dialogue I write out loud as well. When I write Rowe, I suddenly have a British accent. I am 0% British. I still to do this day have no idea why I suddenly start talking this way when I do his lines. But it comes naturally. It scares me on occasion.

      Secondly, thank you so much for the nice words. On occasion, I can deal with the mad pile of 'English teachers' these sites have going on and the 'Random House Publishing Junior Executives' that visit my site, but other times it gets old. It's crazy how many of these professionals email me on a daily basis. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. :D LOL. Thanks for riding along. The journey is no where near finished! Carpe Diem! *Hugs*

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  14. OMG, this is one of the greatest posts I've ever read!!! The clips were spot-on and the thoughts/feelings......... so perfect! Thanks for getting my day off on the best foot possible :)

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    Replies
    1. *raise the roof* Naughty's in the house! Hahahahaha. Thanks so much and I'm glad you started you day on a good foot. Hope the rest went well also! Muah.

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  15. Oh my. Thank you for a post that made my crappy day! Whenever you replied to our comments, you sounded (almost) sane. Never thought you went through such an ordeal every time! But it's nice to know that you take us very, very seriously. Update soon please! And FANGSPACE PLEASEEEE!!!
    Relena

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    Replies
    1. Girl, I am the farthest thing from sane, but not yet certified, there is. I don't actually throw things and sob for hours, but I do get a bit down and not write for a day when I get bad reviews. It hurts sometimes to not be able to portray this incredible story in your head properly to the audience, even when you thought you did. But, you get over it, and you guys help us through it. I love you guys, but I'm gonna write what I want! LOL. Oh and FANGSPACE? Girl I got you soon. *rubs hands* I so got you! Thanks, Relena. Have a fabtabulous weekend. Muah.

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  16. You do realize that now you have to actually write a story with a vampire/merman pairing right? RIGHT???!!

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    1. Never thought about it before, and would have no clue how that would go, but it is an interesting combination. I will ponder this some more and get back to you. But if I do, there will be no Fabio. Haha, every time I hear that name, I think butter commercials and Harlequin books. HAHAHAHAH. Thanks, Rae. *Hugs*

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  17. :D Loving your work as always Night!!!

    Mo x

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    Replies
    1. Yo Mo. I always wanted to do that, so I did. :) Thanks girly! you have a wonderful night and hugs and more hugs. ♥

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  18. This was a very entertaining post. I especially liked the fist pump GIF. Your post is also way I leave nice feedback and (hopefully) pleasant e-mails. Being a dick is not nice. Is it strange that I enjoy getting replies to e-mails I send to authors probably as much as the authors enjoy getting my e-mails? Anyways, I love your writing Night and I can't wait for all the upcoming stories. :)

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  19. Just back from hols, so hadn't seen it. Hilarious! And scarily true...

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  20. Oops a little late to the comment party but I'm here! *swoops in on a cloud of glitter*

    Wow this made me laugh so hard! :) you're amazing T1 and I swear your writing just keeps getting better and brilliant-er (yes that isn't a word but I'm not the writer here!) ;)

    I hope you're feeling better.
    Keep shining:)

    ~ T2 ~ ♡

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  21. By far the funniest thing I've seen ever and sooooooo true.

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